Murder in the Backyard

I witnessed a murder today. It was premeditated. 

There was torture involved. And I think a serial killer was born. Don't read this if you don't like violence.

Abi caught a bird. I don't know how the bird got in the yard. I will describe the event.

I walk to the backdoor. Actually, I was in the kitchen putting dishes in the dishwasher when I walked past the door and saw a poor, horrified bird running through the yard. Abi was chasing it down. She would catch it in her mouth and toss it up in the air like a chew toy. Then she would chew on it a little bit, drop it and do it all over again.

Kitchen sink running, I open the door and yell at Abi to drop it. Yeah right. She only listens on her good days. Throw a fun bird toy in the mix and there's no hope. 

Kitchen sink still running, I run to the garage and get a handful of dog treats.

Out the back door. I throw one. Abi's interested but debating leaving the bird for the treat. I was concerned she would bring the bird to me so I threw treats in the yard hoping then I would have her attention. 

I'm not kidding. Every time I threw a treat, Abi would leave the bird, get the treat and go back to the bird. She probably thought I was rewarding her for her efforts.

This went on for a while. Me trying to sound authoritative, the bird alternating between chirping and playing dead, birds overhead freaking out, kitchen sink running and me trying to comfort myself with the fact that God knew this poor bird would die this way.

I try calling Matt to ask what I should do. His phone is off. I try again and again and finally run inside and use the chat window to tell him I need help.

Finally I get the idea to get her choke chain and I run out the backdoor and call her. She comes over and I get the chain around her neck. Matt calls. I tell him the story while Abi wraps herself around the metal stair railing. The paint starts chipping off. I'm talking to Matt and trying to push Abi off the stairs to untangle her. I then realize I can unwrap the leash, instead of the dog. Matt says he'd better let me go.

I get Abi untangled and decide to rinse her mouth out with the hose. The hose is hooked up for watering the yard, so with one free hand, I manage to get the sprayer on the hose and get the hose turned on. Then I close the gate to the yard because Abi wants to get back after the bird. I give Abi a strong squirt in the mouth which she does not enjoy. She runs into the side yard where the sewage previously was. 

I thank God the sewage isn't there anymore.  

Back to spraying Abi. She doesn't like it. Won't open her mouth. Now her paws are muddy.

We go for a little walk to get her paws dried off and I put her inside.

The bird is dead. I thought maybe it was just playing but it wasn't. Sad day.

I call Matt to find out what to do with it. We devise a plan. I chicken out because I hear the unhappy birds overhead and figure they'll dive bomb my head if I try to get the bird. 

I call Matt back. He says he'll get it when he gets home. Praise the Lord for Matt.

So I go inside. Abi is excited. Every time I get up, she thinks she's going in the backyard. She looks at the door like I'm not getting the hint. 

She keeps licking me.

Abi, stop licking me.

Abi, no.

Abi, don't lick my pants.

Abi, don't lick the computer.

Abi, don't lick yourself. 

I google dogs killing/eating birds to see what kind of parasites are being spread around my home. 

I post what happened on Twitter. I thought about putting it on Facebook but didn't know how people would take it. I'm glad we live in Texas where killing things isn't that big of a deal.

The thing is, she liked it. She had a great time. I've never seen her so excited. Watch yourself birds. A killer was born today.