2010: A Year in Review

This will be my seventh post for the year. Way below my less-than-stellar average. I wish I could say it's because I've just been busy or forgot all about the blog. Truth is, I haven't. I haven't known what to say.

In all honesty, it's been a rough year. Most of the time, I try to be funny or uplifting on the blog, but this post will be a tad different because, well, this year has been a tad different.

If someone had given me a glimpse into 2010 at the end of last year, I'm pretty sure I would've said, "No thanks. I'm not gonna make it through all that." But I have, so this post is also a testament to how the Lord is faithful.

A friend of mine sent me a quote earlier this year: "Still other times the silence of God will shut you down and do its work on your spiritual roots. God's silence can grow louder than a howling blizzard as he takes you through a cold spiritual winter" (Sacred Parenting, Gary Thomas).

I hate winter. HATE it. I have a hard time staying warm, which makes it a physically uncomfortable season. I also love to spend time outside and I love sunlight. Both of which are harder to come by in the winter. 

Birds also disappear during the winter. I don't blame them. I'd fly south if I could, too. When we lived in Colorado, I wouldn't hear any birds all winter long. Because of that, I would know spring was coming when I heard the birds.

Back to this year. It's been a cold spiritual winter. Winter all year long. 

To be sure, God has shown Himself in many ways this year. I know He's there. I know He hears me. I know He is crafting His beautiful, perfect plan that will be for my good and the good of those around me. 

I know those things, and yet, I'm weary. If you went back to the beginning of the year, many of the prayers I'm praying now, I was praying then. In fact, I have a prayer journal and I can look back and see that many of them are the same as 3-4 years ago. 

Situations are lingering as well. As you can tell from previous posts, we've dealt with issues just going on and on, from the ticks to the transmission. Those seemingly insignificant issues were just training us to endure issues that have been going on and on that dig a little deeper into our souls and leave a mark. Those insignificant issues were annoying. The deeper issues are painful. 

One of the verses Matt and I recently ran across that really struck a chord is Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Our hearts have just felt a little sick this year. We've hoped for many things and have grown used to disappointment. We've been let down by people we love. We've hoped for direction. We've hoped for a break. 

With Christmas only a few days away, I'm reminded of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe where the White Witch casts a spell on Narnia where it's always winter and never Christmas. It's always cold, dark and disappointing with nothing to hope for on the horizon. No hope. No warmth. No joy. Constant disappointment. 

While we can relate to constant disappointment, we DO have hope. One of the "side effects" of this year has been a longing for heaven like we've never had.

One of my friends jokes that they'll die young...like by age 50. This year, that age moved from 50 to 35. I used to think it'd be sad to die that young. Now I think I get it. It's not that you're giving up on life. It's just that you've seen enough to know that life here will never be what you hope it will and you're ready to move on. 

I've learned more about who God is this year from what people around me are not. I've realized that everything that disappoints me, breaks my heart, leaves me wanting something different was designed to do that so I would see who God is and what He's all about. 

As I've worked my way through the Bible this year, I've been challenged to be more like Christ in many, many ways. But I also discovered something else. As I would read how God feels about us when we're in Christ: He claims us as brothers and sisters; He accepts us; He will not reject us; He's always there for us; we will never be abandoned by Him; He loves us perfectly and unconditionally for who we are, not what we do; words like eternal and forever are a part of His love and grace and mercy; I realized that when those around me disappoint me or situations are dark and depressing, that is not God. And I was made to love God. Made to crave those things that point me to Him because I can't find them in other people or places. 

This year has been full of hard lessons, which are priceless. 

Granted, I wish those lessons came easier. I wish I could see who God is because people demonstrated His character the way we're meant to. But they don't. I don't. What that produces is a longing for what we know in our souls should be happening and will be happening when Christ comes back to redeem those who have sought salvation in Him. 

Through this winter of a year, our "Christmas" has been knowing that some day, whether this side of eternity or the other, things will be what we're longing for.

This week has been particularly hard for various reasons. There's really no sign that 2011 will be any better. For all I know, 2011 may make 2010 seem like a vacation. Despite the constant disappointment I've felt this year, I can go into 2011 with hope because my God is eternal. There is more hope for the future because, at the very least, I have heaven to look forward to. 

We set a record high for the day yesterday. It was 85. Lots of people were sad that there wasn't more "Christmasy" weather. I wanted to apologize. It was my fault people. I prayed that this year, God wouldn't let it get cold. 

I like to see the unseasonably warm weather as God's way of speaking to me right now. He won't speed up the things I wish were already over. He won't remove the thorns I'm dealing with. I have to endure. But He is giving me warm weather. And as I turned the car off in the driveway the other morning, praying; I sat back, closed my eyes and pleaded with the Lord again for the same things I've prayed a million times. And in the silence that followed, I heard the sounds of the birds. Spring will come.